5. Thou Shalt Not Give A Rat’s Rash About Thy Guitar

The most important consideration in caring for your guitar while traveling, is not caring about your guitar.

Buy thyself a guitar from eBay, Craigslist, or the classifieds on the cheap. If there is one musical instrument that corners the used musical instrument market, it is unloved guitars that people “haven’t played in years” and “just want out of [their] living room.” Treat thy guitar well, but do not stress about her preserving.

Give thy road guitar hell. Leave her on beaches in the sun. If the occasion calls for it—and sometimes such occasions call—take her swimming. Accept the possibility that one day her terminally broken pieces might be cremated in a campfire and you will be able to enjoy her without the fear of her loss.

4. If Babies Belong in Hand-luggage, Then So Do Guitars

Caring for your guitar means carrying your guitar. You would not check little baby Stu in the plane’s hold, would you? Then neither should you check Monica Mountain DewLewinsky, the guitar you bought on Craigslist for $9.

Those beaches shining on your future horizon will be soundless if you let United AIrlines break Monica Mountain DewLewinsky’s head off.

Sometimes the airline will hassle you, but usually if you tell the ticketing agent that you do not want their airline to break “another guitar”, they tend to oblige. Most major carries have clauses that allow you to carry your guitar onboard. United Airlines is tired of people writing viral songs about them breaking guitars.

Good things are happening in Europe next year, with the reformation of passenger rights including a musician’s right to carry a musical instrument onboard. 

Drawbacks of carrying your guitar onboard include hearing this question from everyone you meet, “Do play guitar?”

Spoiler to anyone asking this question: They do. They are, after-all, carrying it with them in the sky.

3. Thou Shalt Not Let Drunk People Disappear into The Jungle With Your Guitar

Just as people sometimes walk into a jungle and never return, so too, guitars carried by drunk people often do not make it back alive.

2. If Thou Art Traveling Through the Developing World, Leave Your Guitar With A Musically Inclined, Economically Restricted Person

The best part about not caring about the disposable guitar you nabbed for $30.00 on Craigslist is that you don’t really care about it. In the fortunate West, anyone who has ever harbored an ant-sized interest in learning guitar has purchased one. But guitars are not so accessible for much of the world. Do the world a musical favor and when it is time for you to go home, let your guitar’s passport expire. Most developing countries have charities that would be more than happy to pick up a donated guitar at your hotel.

When I went to Kenya last year, I traded guitar lessons for Swahili. When my three months were up, I left my guitar with my student/teacher(s)—the Motika family. This was a most enjoyable way to pick up some Swahili. My teachers had lovely singing voices and now an instrument to accompany their song. In exchange, I now know how to say, “How dare you steal my water buffalo and teach it algebra!” in Swahili.

1. Never Cremate Your Guitar Alone

Caring for a guitar you do not care about, means that it will not always be in your custody. Very often, drunk people will ask to play volleyball with it. When a piece-of-crap Craigslist guitar is broken, if you cannot fix it yourself, it is time to throw a funeral for your guitar.

Call up everyone you know. Tell them to bring whiskey and any instruments they play. Light the campfire. You should never burn the remains of your broken guitar alone. A guitar, even a crappy Craigslist guitar, is a beautiful thing with a lovely voice and it must be mourned. 

When everyone is standing, dancing around the campfire, it is time to pass the whiskey and let this solemn ceremony of song begin. For not every guitar survives the war.